This is my worst habit. Seriously. I worry ALL. THE. TIME. About everything.
Going broke and losing our house my son getting a rare and deadly illness my friends turning their backs on me my parents dying my husband getting Lyme Disease my husband dying on a hunting trip my cat getting eaten by a predator Donald Trump becoming president Hillary becoming president the refugee crisis the neighbor’s dog eating my chickens one of our tall pine trees falling on our house mass shootings.
The worry goes on and on. Despite being completely irrational, I know it comes from a real place. As a little girl, I remember crying in bed at night because I was sad for the homeless people and I worried about what would happen to them. I clearly come by my worry honestly, and, if you ask my mom, I get it from my dad. He’s a worrier, too. So, whether it’s genetic or learned or a combination of the two, it’s a part of who I am.
I work hard to keep it in check. My husband doesn’t help. I worry enough for the both of us because he never worries about anything. Seriously. Nothing phases that guy! (Which of course makes me worry why he doesn’t worry!) The rational educated part of me knows that all of the worrying is for naught. Nothing ever comes from it but an upset stomach, sleepless nights, and a few more grey hairs. But, no matter how much I tell myself that worry is a waste of time, it still sneaks up on me out of nowhere.
Like last night. My husband and I were having a great time laughing and joking while we cooked dinner and fed the boy. Everything was wonderful. After dinner, I put our son to bed and suddenly a wet blanket of anxiety and concern enveloped me. I was suddenly worried about everything and nothing all at once. I tried working through it and figuring out what was causing it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. It followed me to bed, and stole my sleep. Thankfully, when I awoke this morning, the worry had left the building.
It’s remarkable how nothing can cause such a something inside of me. I’ve read all of the quotes about worry, and they’re all true. Yes, worrying is exactly like sitting in a rocking chair. No, worrying won’t change the outcome. Yes, worrying wastes my time and energy. And, yes, most of what I worry about will never happen. But the worry still comes. All those motivational quotes are great. But they never tell you how NOT to worry. They just tell you not to. And I need clearer instructions.
This is the twenty-second post in my 30 Days of Blogging series! Want to join in on the fun?